When I was 16 I was raped by
8 guys...
I was beaten, drugged and tied up...
I fought back and sprayed them with mace, but since I have asthma I really
sustained the most damage from it. I remember gasping for air...and not being
able to get enough... (not only were my bronchial passages constricted and in
spasm, but my oxygen intake was even further restricted by the fact that I was
gagged). I was sure I was going to die, but refused to go down without a fight.
Right before I lost consciousness I remember WISHING for DEATH. To my surprise,
I woke up the next day. I was black and blue, swollen, and bloody... but I was
alive.
It's amazing how strong and complex the human mind is...I did not remember a
thing ... I knew that I had been attacked but could not recall any details... By
the end of 2 years I remembered the names the guys were calling each other...
My mind cushioned the blow by providing the details to me gradually... as I was
ready to handle them.
It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened to me. I couldn't
make sense of it until years later... when while working as a nurse I
encountered an 82 year old patient who had been raped... she'd been badly beaten
and had multiple fractures including her jaw and several ribs. She refused to
eat (in her case, drink-as her jaw was wired) and she would not speak...to
anyone. I went into her room, closed the door, held her hand, and told her my
story. She burst into tears and hugged me, explaining that she was so revolted
by the thought of having been forced to perform fellatio on her attackers that
she could not imagine using her mouth for anything again...we held each other
and cried together... I assured her that it was possible to heal from such an
experience. She began to speak, to eat, and to heal. It was at that moment that
I realized why I had lived through my experience... it was to help other people
who were hurting. I felt like a load was lifted off of my chest... suddenly
whatever pain, confusion, and suffering I had experienced had meaning.
I believe we can transcend the pain of any experience - no matter how horrible -
and grow from it, become stronger, and help others.
I have a number of theories on mental illness... some of them extremely
unorthodox. We seem to understand so little about the human mind. Medication is
not *THE* answer. Aside from the fact that many patients are non-compliant,
medication only treats the symptoms... Though I am not opposed to the use of
medication (herbal, homeopathic, or conventional) in some situations as a
temporary measure, I believe we have to get to the cause and redirect our
minds... to switch gears, so to speak. This can involve a long process of
retraining.
Every human being has his own hell. We must get to the root of each individual's
BASIC problems and begin to reconstruct the foundation.
Take the basic concept of TRUST, for example...
How can one who has been emotionally battered learn to trust?
I believe (in fact I KNOW) it can be done.
I recommend starting with Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.
